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MrMokkori [userpic]

Too lazy to screenshot.

what you do do is you steal [userpic]

I hate showers! - 33 (bathroom-I hope)

Help me please. I know I have bad habbits I need to improve, and I need someone to encourage me to do it. I hate showering and taking baths. This is starting to concern my family. I'd like someone to help me with getting cleaned up at least twice a week. I'd like someone that is willing to be hands on and help me with shaving/trimming areas that are hard to see and reach like my bottom, that helps control odors for me, and my hair because I have trouble rinsing. I need someone that can be patient and understand that I have a disability, but am for the most part pretty high functioning. I had a car accident a few years ago and hurt my head, but you couldn't tell from looking at me except for my eye. My eye kinda turns to the side now. I can wear my patch if that bothers you. I am on disability, so I'm home most of the time and can be flexible with when you can come over. I'd like this to be a regualr thing. I can cook still, so I can feed you when you come over. You need to be ok with my dogs, I have 5 yorkiepoos and they are my babies. If you want to make whoopie with me, that's ok and I'd like that too. I just ask that you do it before the bath because I'm not likely to clean up until the next time you come over and that smells pretty bad after a few days. I do really want to have a boyfriend and I hope that can be you. I'd like you to be single please. I can send a photo if you sent a photo. I'm not concerned with outside beauty, but I would like to know what you look like when I'm on phone with you. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/ram/w4m/1945696022.html

MrMokkori [userpic]

Preserved forever in Best Of

best of craigslist > philadelphia > BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO - m4m

BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO - m4m
Date: 2010-05-23, 5:13PM EDT

I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork. The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way sooner but have little faith in humanity.

Requirements:
-access to an abandoned warehouse
-old enough/built kinda awesome
-maintains good eye contact
-general intensity
-cool moves
-shades
-leather jackets ( I had to give the one in the pic back - long story, I can tell you when we finish)
-Bedazzler
-basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette (I can teach you what I know if you are pretty serious about art like me)
-can lift 80 lbs
-bachelor's in something or equivalent experience
-not a narc

Whereas dudes/J-ing O are both undeniably awesome, I'm a straight bro. As in not gay. I just really love MJ and being open minded about new JO scenarios. We will basically play "Beat It" over and over again while we JO and dance, occasionally parrying/thrusting. Winner finishes the most times, but points will be awarded for finishing first/accuracy. If you're the heter-bro I'm looking for, then we can JO furiously/competitively and then just hang or whatever. I've got laser tag too. I'm pretty serious about this. As in completely serious. If you touch my junk with anything but your own I will BF you in the M. Nerds/gays need not apply. I'M NOT GAY.

P.S. - And I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now.

"They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it"

Current Mood: blankblank
MrMokkori [userpic]

) O ( [userpic]

2 gems I ran across this morning in my local CL:

"Need a friend between the ages of 18-30 to throw ninja stars with in my garage. (no throwing knives please) must supply own ninja stars. Also maybe play some dungeons and dragons with afterwards. Can do anytime except for Wednesdays because I have to train for the national yo-yo contest.

more:
http://prescott.craigslist.org/stp/1802442686.html



"(I always get nervous with sharp objects around my taint.) Oh and yo, don't worry about stink! I shower at least like twice a day with axe shower gel and coat my undercarriage with shit loads of axe spray. No stinky nuts! My junk smells fierce!"

more:
http://flagstaff.craigslist.org/lbg/1809863406.html

Amanda Snyder [userpic]

Austin Craigslist

This is NOT a joke.
This is a real possibility in Austin and we will NOT stop seeking the 2nd Wife until we find her.
We live out in NW Austin and seek a local lady interested in pursuing this situation.
I am a middle aged white gentleman.
I have a latin lady living with me in the same manner as being my wife although we are not legally married.
So, we are committed to each other for life.
Her and I have talked and we seek another Latin lady that would like to join us and be my 2nd Wife for Life too!

We do not smoke, drink, or do drugs.
We are extremely clean and very passionate.
She is straight but she is 100% OK if I sleep with the lady that will be as my 2nd Wife going though life with us till death.
If we don't find the 2nd Wife in Austin, we will expand our search to Nationwide and maybe even down to South America.

Optimally, the 2nd Wife will be Latin, at least decent/average looking or better, and probably between 35 - 55 years old.

If interested, please send your information about yourself and photos would be appreciated.
If we are interested in you, we will invite you to our home for a meeting.
Thanks!

mix_hyenataur [userpic]

http://tippecanoe.craigslist.org/cas/1772319521.html

"Used Condoms - m4m - 24 (WL)
Date: 2010-06-02, 7:57PM EDT
Reply To This Post

I know there are some condom fetish guys out there, so here's what I'm gonna do. You send me your address, and I'll mail you a used condom full of my man juice. No return address, postage is paid, you just get a used, tied off condom. I'm clean and disease free."

mix_hyenataur [userpic]

http://tippecanoe.craigslist.org/sys/1766778618.html

MrMokkori [userpic]

Amanda Snyder [userpic]

Found in Austin Housing Wanted:


$300 I am VERY Particular..Private entry..No children..PRIVACY (Austin)

Date: 2010-03-17, 8:54PM CDT
Reply to: hous-qabgb-1649162031@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I've had a bad experience with a bipolar girl so it's very important that you don't respond to this ad if we don't match ...EVEN if you think your kids are amazing..I'm sure they are.

Here is what I am looking for..

1. I will ONLY>>>ONLY live with another woman. With NO KIDS....or at least no kids. Sorry. I know that sounds rude.
2. I REALLY would love a PRIVATE entry because I'm a massage therapist and don't want clients walking all through our place.
3. Price is negotiable if you have what I want...if i REALLY lOVE IT...I will offer you more.
4. ALL BILLS INCLUDED BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANY DEADLINES ON ADDED BILLS..JUST INCLUDE THEM EVEN IF IT MEANS HIGHER RENT.
5. I'M SOCIABLE AND VERY VERY FRIENDLY...BUT AGAIN WOULD LOVE A PRIVATE ENTRANCE

6. JUST OUT OF A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP...DOUBT WE ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER, BUT IF WE DO I'LL RESPECT RULES on men staying over. Not a tramp so don't worry...but also don't want someone telling me I can't fornicate in my room. .lol

7. I HAVE A VERY OLD TINY DOG THAT NEVER BARKS. BUT HES OLD SO HE'S HOUSE TRAINED...BUT MAY HAVE AN OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT. I'm very responsible so IF it happens I am prepared with all types of expensive cleaners. If this type of thing bothers you or you are one of those snooty people that thing bigger dogs are so much more elite...then just tell me and I won't bother you with moving in. Don't mind paying a very small deposit on him. He's regularly groomed, cleaned and DOES NOT SHED!! I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM..he's half blind...deaf and a cutie. He is fine with other dogs and cats.

8.WOULD PREFER TO LIVE WITH A WOMAN AROUND MY AGE 30 TO 38...JUST MORE IN COMMON. REALLY if you are uptight it's ok just be upfront with anything that bothers you BEFORE I move in and we can come to an agreement or I won't bother you before moving in.

9. I'm clean..if your messy it's not a HUGE deal...but it would be nice if you kept it in your room
10. STAY OUT OF MY ROOM...THERE IS NOTHING INTERESTING IN IT ANYWAY. LOL..

It seems like a lot, but i've just had a horrible experience with a bipolar woman that was crazy...when she didn't take her meds.

Finally..please men I won't live with you unless you have some sort of stellar and I mean STELLAR home that allows me the privacy I need.

About myself..lOVE...LOVE to cook..don't have tons of social events at home..I'll go out if I want to do that. I HAVE to have cable in my room. If you like to do things together thats fine. But if you are a loner that is just as fine. Just don't be like my last roommate I met on craigslist who made me feel like I had broken into her house everytime she came chome. I understood she was sick...but she never made eye contact and never even said "hello" unless she was in a SUPER good mood. You know..just common politeness that's it and IF you are bothered by anything regarding the living situation..be an adult woman and talk to me. She often bottled, little weird things in and along with her sickness it made her CA RAY ZEE!
Like I SAID IF IT'S WHAT I WANT..I WILL PAY MORE...ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE THE PRIVATE ENTRANCE. Thanks.

dogs are OK - wooof
Location: Austin
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1649162031

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